


I've Got This Idea

by morrezela



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Sibling Incest, Soulless Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 11:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4433804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morrezela/pseuds/morrezela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam thinks that starting to have sex with Dean would be an awesome idea, but he isn’t sure Dean would agree. He decides to ask Castiel’s advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got This Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to the CW and is the brain child of Kripke. It belongs to a lot of people who aren’t me. I am making no money off of this.
> 
> Warnings: Spoilers for Season 6. Nothing for unaired episodes, and nothing even recent. Oh and Wincest, if the pairings didn’t give that away.
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: I found this sitting on my computer. I was apparently in the mood to make fun of soulless!Sam.

Castiel has stopped by for a short visit because he needs something that he thinks that maybe the brothers Winchester can find because they’re human, or well, one of them is human. Cas seems to be reserving judgment on Sam’s current status.

Sam thinks that he’d find it irritating if his feeler wasn’t broken or missing or whatever it is when your soul is stuck somewhere that isn’t you.

In any case, he’s pretty sure he’d be pissed, or maybe he’d feel kind of hurt or jealous of Cas’s obvious preference towards Dean. Only he doesn’t because he doesn’t feel those sorts of things right now, and even though Dean calls his logic faulty, he kind of gets why Dean is everybody’s favorite at the moment.

So it is all well and good. No really. It is. Dean likes that Castiel is around, and even though Sam would like to point out that as he’s an angel, and Jimmy is caput, Cas has no soul either, he won’t do that. Dean gets pissed off easily about the whole soul thing. The more often that Dean gets pissed off, the closer that he gets to dumping Sam’s sorry ass.

And yes, history dictates that Dean will indeed come crawling back at some point because they can’t stay away from each other. That isn’t the point. Sam’s brain is apparently hardwired to have Dean in contact with him at least sixteen hours a day. It goes into withdrawals otherwise.

The Campbell clan got pretty damn tired of listening to Sam wax poetic about his big brother’s hunting skills. Sam isn’t sure why he told them. He has a vague idea that he wouldn’t have talked to them about Dean at all before. He would’ve kept their screw-ups and deadly errors a private thing, but sans soul it didn’t seem like there was a good reason to keep Dean’s torture expertise a secret.

His brain just defaults to Dean when there isn’t anything else to occupy it. Sam thinks this might be because they spent so much of their lives together, but logic just indicates that he’s probably just unhealthily obsessed with his own brother, even without a soul to make him feel anything about it.

The point is, Sam thinks about Dean a lot, and his brain informs him that should Dean get angry enough to leave, he would eventually come back. Dean always comes back even when it’s Sam that has done the leaving.

Of course, history also includes a Sam with his soul. There is every chance that Dean might just shoot him and burn his body because Dean doesn’t think of Sam as his brother right at the moment.

It’s an issue that Sam can’t puzzle his way through no matter how many extra, non-sleeping hours he has to ponder the problem over.

Still, on the upside, Dean still has them working on the whole soul angle. Should he find a way to retrieve it, ‘Real’ Sam is going to need a place to set up shop, and soulless bodies are pretty damn hard to come by. Ruby had to time jumping into coma girl just right, and Sam doesn’t think that his soul will want to spend the rest of his current go at life as a petite brunette with a fabulous body. Hotel de Sam is a pretty swanky place to house a soul right now, especially with all the extra work he’s been putting in on his abs.

Speaking of fabulous bodies… it has gotten hard lately to ignore Dean. It isn’t Sam’s fault. He spends all of his time with Dean. He’s bound to notice him.

Sam spends a lot of time awake while Dean is sleeping. He stares a lot. He’s pretty sure Dean would do something horrible to Sam if he knew how long Sam stares at him each night, but he doesn’t know, so Sam doesn’t force himself to think about how he should feel about bedside stalking his big brother.

Dean’s been pretty good about keeping him in line with the morality stuff, and Sam is pretty sure that he’ll appreciate it once he has his soul back. Truthfully, he isn’t sure why he wants his soul back except Dean wants him to have it, and well, Sam wants Dean to be happy.

He has no idea why he cares about Dean’s emotional state, but the thought itself is so ingrained in his head that he’s fairly certain he wants good things for Dean even if he doesn’t understand the desires that put the thoughts there.

It’s like hunting or hunger or sex. They’re a part of him. Although the last two are more biological needs than ingrained behaviors, he still has marked preferences about them that come from his brain.

It’s the sex need that is getting to be an issue. He doesn’t have problems picking up pretty brunettes who want to ride him, but even while he’s seeing to his physical needs, his mind tends to float off to this space where he has a six foot, green eyed, dishwater blonde riding him and calling him ‘Sammy.’

It isn’t bad, quite the opposite. It is a sure fire way to get off and get out of whatever bedroom he’s landed himself in for the night’s fuck. Still - it’s sad that he has to imagine Dean instead of just having him.  There are all sorts of expediency issues that could be solved if he didn’t have to find a partner just so that he could pretend to be banging his brother.

The logical answer is to start fucking Dean. Sam believes this would solve the time wasting issue of Dean’s Lisa angst. Dean clearly loves him more, and orgasms make Dean very happy. Orgasms plus Sam should erase the emo pain that Dean sinks into over the wench every other day.

Sam privately thinks that his souled self had gone crazy from all the demon blood drinking. Lisa? What the fuck had he been thinking? He should’ve picked up some craptastic piece of jewelry somewhere and given it to Dean as a parting gift. Told him to always remember them, and that they’d see each other again in Heaven.

Or maybe that was the end of a bad romance movie that he’d watched that time that he got stuck babysitting Gwen after she got tetanus on a hunt…

Regardless, he’s come to the conclusion that he and Dean should get their groove on. He’s just not certain that souled him would agree with that. On the one hand, undeniable quantities of hotness and sexual prowess combined with their mutual obsession would lead to amazingly fulfilling intercourse.

On the other, incest. The second hand seems like a stupid argument to him, but then again – no soul.  

He’d ask Dean about it, but there is that whole thing with Dean leaving, and if Sam thinks about it too hard, his stomach starts rolling out of habit.

Castiel showing up is like an answer to prayer. Okay, so it isn’t given that Cas came to them on his own this time instead of answering Dean’s prayer, but Sam isn’t feeling picky with his metaphors at the moment. He has a golden opportunity to ask somebody else about his Dean fucking conundrum.

“Cas?” He asks once he is finally alone with the angel.

“Yes, Sam?” Cas sounds testy, but he’s sounded like that forever, so Sam is pretty certain it isn’t personal.

“Do you think that Dean would have sex with me if I asked?”

Sam doesn’t think he deserves the incredulous stare that Cas turns on him. It’s a simple question. He wasn’t asking if he should sacrifice a basket full of kittens in a proactive attempt to kill some evil creatures. Although, if he were to do that, there are overcrowding problems at shelters, so he’d really be doing them a favor.

“No. I do not think he would.” Cas eventually answers.

“So, do you think that maybe I could convince him to?” Sam asks because, well, he really wants to know. The more he thinks about it, the better of an idea it sounds. Dean’s hot. Sam’s hot. They wouldn’t even had to worry about sleeping arrangements afterwards because Dean is still renting them rooms with two beds even though Sam isn’t ever using his. Dean could just move from the thoroughly sweaty and come stained one to the nice, clean one and drift off.

“I think that it would be very unwise of you to ask.” Cas replies slowly this time as if not possessing his soul has made Sam extremely dull of wit.

“I get that, I do. I just… he’s hot, you know? It would be convenient, and I wouldn’t have to worry about STDs so much.”

“I think that perhaps you should consider the incest factor.”

“Well, I did. But it isn’t like one of us is going to get pregnant, and apparently the Westermarck effect is completely dependent on having a soul, because I’m not feeling it like I used to.”

Cas looks confused for a moment. Or there is the chance that he was just thinking or listening to a song in his head, Sam’s lost what ability he had to tell.

“Like it used to?” Cas finally asks.

“Yeah, I used to think about it sometimes, and then I’d feel really guilty afterwards and kind of sick. Then as I got older, I got over the sick part, but I’d feel way guiltier. Then after Dean died, I used to fuck Ruby and pr…”

“Sam, please. I would very much like it if you didn’t finish where that monologue was going. You will appreciate it as well once you have your soul back.” Cas interrupted with something close to fear in his eyes.

“So you’re staying firm on the bad idea thing?”

“Yes. I am. Please quit asking.”

“Quit asking what?” Dean asks when he rejoins them.

And that just kind of sucks because Sam can’t keep pestering Cas for details about it when Dean is standing right there. He knows that sex is acceptable conversation between buddies, but three is a crowd.

Cas doesn’t answer Dean’s question though, and Sam mumbles something about asking about angel wings because it’s the best that he can come up with on short notice. Dean is holding his feet to the fire with the evasion and omission stuff. Lying is on that list too, but Sam needs a better setting to discuss the possibility of them getting it on than in front of Dean’s new best bud.

He also needs some more advice, because in retrospect, Cas was a horrible choice. Angels don’t have souls by their very nature, and Cas is still a virgin. What would he know about good sexual prospects?

Next chance Sam gets, he’s totally calling Bobby for his opinion on it.


End file.
